Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Sara Stewart's LiveJournal:

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Tuesday, June 12th, 2007
2:33 pm	Brokeback Hill Mike Rogers has outed so many closeted gay politicos, he's starting to make Capitol Hill look like Brokeback Mountain. By KEVIN SITES, WED MAY 30, 12:31 PM PDT WASHINGTON - Members of the 110th Congress consider yourselves warned: Mike Rogers is making his list. Rogers is a muckraking gay blogger who uses his insider's knowledge of Washington politics and broad blanket of contacts to "out" gay politicos — but only, he says, if they are undermining gay rights. Critics call his tactics divisive and politically motivated. Mike Rogers says his blog exposes hypocrisy in government. Rogers, a longtime gay activist, started blogactive.com in 2004, using it to yank out of the closet at least two dozen high-ranking political figures, including senators, congressmen and Bush administration officials. He's outed so many closeted gay politicos, he's starting to make Capitol Hill look like Brokeback Mountain. All of them, he says, use their positions to actively oppose the equal rights of gay citizens while at the same time, secretly live a gay life. (Comment on this)
Monday, January 8th, 2007
5:53 pm	So far so good I've never been good at following through on things that only benefited me, but I'm still going. I have been excercising daily for 8 days now and paying a bit more attention to how I eat. I'm still planning on going to the therapy appointment I scheduled this week and I'm slowly creeping out my hum-drums. Glad for that. Cannot wait until I have more going on in my personal life again. Life seems a bit in slow motion right now and I hate that. I have been getting pretty bored lately. Tony came over on Friday and the basement project is still in planning mode but getting closer. I'm really very excited about getting it underway, however I am not looking forward to the major inconvenience. I'm also not looking forward to having a place to excercise for the rest of the winter at home. I guess I'm going to have to make use of that gym membership after all.... My travel is off to a start this week as I'll be going on my first business trip of the year. Thankfully this one is only to Boise and back in a day. Next week I'll be in Salt Lake City for three days (two nights) which isn't too bad for the first month. February was looking like it was going to be a crazy busy month but it seems it might just be a slow one instead. I'm fine with that. Off to the rock gym to climb with my lady.... (Comment on this)
Wednesday, January 3rd, 2007
5:59 pm	Day two... Today was a good work day. I think getting organized with my calendar and tasks has really helped my attitude about work. Now if only I can keep this up through the year I'll be doing great! We'll see... Last night Stacey and I put away all of the X-mas stuff and cleaned house and it feels great at home. It picked up both of our spirits and I'm not going to let them drop. Tonight I'm going to the women's bowling league in hops to join a team or at the very least sub for someone. Tomorrow it's al-anon and Friday I believe we're going to rock-climb like we have been. Not a whole lot to report except for I'm in positive spirits and trying to keep my momentum. Current Mood: cheerful (Comment on this)
Thursday, August 25th, 2005
9:03 am	SCORE ONE FOR OUR TEAM!!!! - California Has the Right Ideal Family Law: The best interest SEATTLE POST-INTELLIGENCER EDITORIAL BOARD The California Supreme Court unanimously decided on Monday that gay and lesbian couples raising children are lawful parents. We hope that the Washington Supreme Court applies the same standards to a similar case before it. In Sue Ellen Carvin v. Page Britain, the couple had a daughter via artificial insemination. After they split up six years later, one parent is denying the other any contact with the child. Things could get messy: The 2000 Census shows that more than a million children are being raised by same-sex couples in the United States. In this state, same-sex couples have the right to adopt children. "The laws are geared to the best interest of the child," said Roger Winters, president of the Legal Marriage Alliance. In the absence of adoption (which is not necessary for straight couples), children are left unprotected. "That children can suffer, and people with reasonable obligations can ignore them are perhaps unintended consequences." The big deal here is that never before had the courts applied the rules and principles of straight families to same-sex families, said Jenny Pizer, senior legal counsel at Lambda Legal, a national organization fighting for recognition of civil rights for gays, lesbians, bisexuals and transgendered people. The books are still loaded with discriminatory laws. "California case law states that a child cannot have two mothers, leaving the non-biological parent out in the cold," said Pizer. This ruling is a recognition that the same-sex parents constitute real families, and that their children have the same needs of those raised in straight families. (Comment on this)
Thursday, July 14th, 2005
3:31 pm	More myself today… Okay, so after not following any of my rules I just let go yesterday and allowed myself to feel what ever I was feeling in the moment and it felt good but it didn’t take me that far away from what I’ve been thinking… SLOW SLOW SLOW… Today I’m back to weighing all the pros and cons and everything and although I feel great and I don’t feel obligated to make decisions or declarations I am more in touch with liking just having some alone time than I have in a while. My god if I don’t know better I’d think I was a woman with all of these mood swings! Yeah! Al-anon is tonight and I also get to do yard work. I LOVE Portland when it’s sunny. I wish the sun came out every day! I love my life, my home, my friends (even if they never call me back) and being free! (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, June 27th, 2005
10:40 am	SF Pride Report I was told that this year's SF Dyke March had 52,000 women! It sure seemed bigger. I'm hoping to actually develop some of my pictures this year and post them... Stay tuned for the SF pride report. Now I have to catch up with work and responsibility. Current Mood: & Sunburnt! (Comment on this)
Tuesday, June 7th, 2005
8:03 pm	A Funk! The next time I get the bright idea to go to San Diego for a visit someone tell me not to. I've been in a total funk since I got back and I can't quite figure out why. I'm not missing home any longer and I am not missing anything really. UG! Perhaps you can't go back, who knows. Anyway hopefully this weekend camping, next weekend PDX pride and my birthday and the following in SF for pride will cheer me up. Sex usually does but I'm not even feeling in the mood for that. What the HELLLLLLL is up with that? (5 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, April 26th, 2005
5:52 pm	Wow - Loving Work Today!!! So today while I was talking to my boss (who had just congratulated me on resigning a client) she totally blew me out of the water. She told me that she is going to bat with her leaders to get me an equity increase in pay due to how great of a job I'm doing!!! I was stumped - I mean does that actually happen to people? Do they get raises without asking for them??? Of course nothing is for sure and it hinges on some other sales I'm working on but WOW - score one for corporate america. I must say though that working for American Express is pretty great. The majority of the managers in the company are women. There is an annual (anonymous) employee satisfaction survey that must be completed by everyone that we work on improving every year and there are domestic partnership benefits for same sex couples ONLY! Okay, so I'm having a pretty good day. Hopefully I'll get the raise, but even if I don't I'm feeling pretty good today. I also found out that I may be going back down to San Diego in late May or beginning of June on another client visit. I really hope that is the case because I'm having some serious homesickness for my friends... (Comment on this)
Monday, April 11th, 2005
5:16 pm	Numb today Have you ever had a day at work where you don't even feel human? I have just ended my work day and have been sitting here trying to figure out how I'm feeling today and I just don't know. I don't think I have thought about myself or my personal thoughts or feelings all day. What that tells me is my company has a really great employee that can shut down the human aspect of themselves and just be a worker bee. What it tells me is I need to work more on being present in my body and not distracting myself from what is going on with me... I think anyway... Ahhhhh..... I just want to have some fun and to relax. I AM so looking forward to next week. My vacation is LONG over due. (2 Comments |Comment on this)
7:59 am	One day at a time... That's it. I'm done... at least I hope I'm done. It's almost been a year of craziness and fooling around. I've been going out and being silly, having tons of fun, however spending time distracting myself from what I need to be doing - working on me. If I learned one thing from my ex it was that I deserve a whole lot more than being treated like someone's mom. It is not my responsibility to cook, clean or cater to anyone else on this planet. I am my own person and I need to 1) start living for my own happiness and 2) start surrounding myself with people who are doing the same. No more co-dependant bullshit. So I've begin to make friends in a new way; I suppose it's kind of an experiment. I've been meeting other lesbians in the area online and am being very clear about not looking to hook up. I'm getting to know them a bit with emails and then going out for coffee. One coffee and that's it. I need to be making friends who are on the same path as I am, or at least have walked it before and have grown from it. I don't want to get back into my old bad habits and that's hard not to do when the people you are meeting are also trying to avoid themselves. Anyway... it is time to begin my work day so... (5 Comments |Comment on this)
Saturday, April 2nd, 2005
4:40 pm	Feeling very alone in a new city... I have cabin fever big time. My car has been in the shop since Tuesday and since the mechanic had to leave town suddenly because of a family death I am without a vehicle until next Tuesday. I find it hard to feel sorry for myself since so many people exist daily with out vehicles and today I even took the bus to an Al-anon meeting to get out of the house. What that made me realize is that it isn’t that I’m without a vehicle that is making me feel so cut off; it is because I’m eleven hundred miles from my friends and feeling cut off from people. It is really hard to start out in a new place when you are single. At least J&T have each other. I don’t even really have them right now because they do not want to be doing the same things I want to do. I miss my friends to go out with, to hang out and play games with, to dance and flirt with and be silly. I miss my girlfriends to go shopping and cook with. To be silly with and talk about kitting and other girly things. I miss just having people in the same town that I can call to go have a meal or a drink with. Yep, that’s right… I’m completely lonely. It’s great that I have the house and things to do in the house, but I’m not feeling all that motivated since I don’t even have anyone to show it too. I never in a million years thought I would utter these words, but… I miss San Diego like crazy. Don’t get me wrong I’m still very committed to starting a new life here, but it would sure be nice if meeting people you got along with and had things in common with weren’t so damn hard to do. My kitties don’t seem to understand why their company isn’t enough and get greedy with my attention, but I must say cats don’t talk back to you, or at least not so you can understand what they are saying. Last night I had an extremely bizarre dream where I moved home into my old apartment and it was full with Katie, Sara and other people’s belongings. They were not happy to have me there either. I guess that’s my subconscious telling me I can’t go back and I need to recommit myself to being right where I am right now. I know that I can live alone and enjoy my space, I know that I can even enjoy time at home alone, but an entire week of not going out, seeing friends our being around someone to just be comfortable sitting in the same room with is getting to me quite a lot. I suppose this is me feeling sorry for me. I hate to feel that way, but really I’m starting to wonder how the hell am I ever going to meet new people in this town when I work from home and won’t go out by myself. UG!!!! Current Mood: melancholy (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, December 30th, 2004
1:08 pm	Updates on Dial-Up and Other things... Well the holidays are almost over and I am grateful for that. I am looking forward to getting back into the busy swing of things with work. Once the New Year holiday is over my training for work will start up and then I will be traveling a ton on business. It will be nice to be busy. I haven’t really gotten out into the scene in Portland yet and I need to get motivated and do it. I want to find an Al-anon group, some place to volunteer, start the bowling league I’ve joined and starting meeting new people. I’m afraid that Johnny, Tanya and I will have friend over-load soon if we don’t start going out and spending time with other people. We’re going to go out tonight and tomorrow night and I’m incredibly excited. I need a new distraction since my one of late is over. Drag Kings tonight and New Year’s celebrations tomorrow. Hopefully I will meet more new friends rather than possible dates. I think that’s what I especially need right now. Although, seeing a few attractive women might give me a better outlook on my new home town. I’m also starting to get anxious about buying my own home. I love where I’m at and staying with friends, however I missing having my own space. Not to mention… that I’m not the best at taking alone time when there are other people in the house. Also my big fantasy right now is painting and decorating my own place. I already have the paint for my bedroom. Also, along with the new year comes big and better pay and I’ll be able to finally get to the point where I can go out and spend money on fun toys now and again. My first required task though is to go out and buy some new business suits…. I’m not looking forward to that. Can you tell I’m bored out of my mind right now and waiting on my computer to download a new program that I need on my new work laptop so I can function properly. On DSL the download takes 12 minutes and currently I have almost 6 more hours to wait for dial-up to do it according to the little box that says only 6% complete! UG! Current Mood: bored Current Music: Dave Mathews Band Again! (Comment on this)
Tuesday, November 30th, 2004
3:55 pm	Short-timers disease… Well I've been given my notice at work and I'm driving to Portland with Johnny on Sunday. This seems like the last few days of a life I use to have and suddenly I will be gone and on to a new one. I want to run around and have fun, visit friends one last time and be crazy but instead I've got a million things to pack, organize and prepare and to top it all off my work is busy as well. None the less I'm still making the best of it. I have a new friend that I've been spending time with as well and it seems like a strange time to be building bridges between me and San Diego when I should be doing the opposite. Somehow that doesn't seem to matter though. I'm not sad, I'm not nervous, I'm just anxious to have it all over and done with. To all my online journal friends I will most likely going to six degrees with Johnny and some friends for a farewell drink and visit this Friday if you'd like to stop by. Also, we will be packing the truck with Johnny, Tanya and my stuff on Saturday. Sunday morning at 4AM will be off and then the next time I see most of my friends will be when I visit San Diego again - which isn't planned anytime soon. (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, October 1st, 2004
4:17 pm	Drag Kings! Hey, I found an online journal for Kings... I thought it was cool and decided to post the name just in case you have checked it out yet. drag_kings For all my king friends maybe it's time to show the rest of the country what SD has to offer? Just a thought since I think you guys are so good. (Comment on this)
Tuesday, August 31st, 2004
3:04 pm	Good Mood! The new girl called this morning. I've been in a good mood ever since. I'm now really excited about my trip up to the Bay in two weeks. It will be even more fun now I'm sure! Current Mood: excited (Comment on this)
Friday, August 27th, 2004
1:27 pm	The Big, Big Apple Well I was in New York this week and all I have to say is I MISS THE CITY!!!!!! Even though I haven't spent a ton of time in NY it reminded me of how much I love city life, arts, culture and diversity. There is always something new and exciting going on, there is a never ending wealth of new people to meet in strange places and my god I really miss the cultural diversity that is so lacking from my life in San Diego. I went to this dyke par in the East Village on Tuesday night for spoken word and it was wonderful. People were actually in a bar sitting around listening to revolutionary voices read their thoughts on what's happening in the world. The only thing I've seen in SD over the last three years that has been slightly revolutionary is the Drag show and well…. That doesn't quite fulfill my need for excitement. The clothes were odd though. New York fashion is a strange cross between European fashion and like 10 years ago in LA. I had a hard time not thinking… WOW you mean people actually go out of their house looking like this? I visited Greenwich Village also (like the Castro it is mostly male) and the area was beautiful. Just a few blocks from the Hudson River and history was there. I took a picture of the peoples park on the corner of Stonewall street. Man I need to travel and meet new people. I think I'm going back in the Spring for longer. That was I can do more than just "see" the city but this time really experience life there. I also felt a huge pull to pick up and just move there, but who knows if I have the guts for that. Time Square…. Talk about media taking over. The billboards and lights were as big as the buildings and even at midnight there were so many people on the streets that if you stopped to look up for a second all the people walking behind you run right into you and almost nock you over. Ground Zero, World Trade Center. I had to go of course. The remains of the World Trade Center were only a block from where my meeting was on Wall Street and it was amazing how big the grounds were. There were very high buildings all around the site and it seemed as if a bomb had dropped in the center of the city leaving all the buildings around. Most of the buildings closest to the World Trade Center were still being rebuilt as they had all lost parts due to the falling towers, but one building hadn't even been touched. This church sat so close buy but amazingly hadn't even been scratched. How strange it felt to be there. My feeling on going there wasn't because I have this morbid fascination with what happened but instead I see the site as the physical landmark our country has that represents a sad and scary time in our countries history of war. Another excuse to use American deaths as an excuse to bomb innocent people and to take right after right away from us in the supposed name of "freedom and homeland security". God I hate GEORGE W. BUSH!!! Current Mood: annoyed (Comment on this)
Tuesday, August 10th, 2004
12:24 pm	Can't get enough. Casual sex is usually suppose to be a couple times, hit it and quit it you know… but I'm having so much fun with my new fling right now all I can think about it’s the next time. I am becoming addicted to fu-king her. Anyway… I haven't been writing much in this lately because I'm feeling a bit too open with my promiscuity, but… hey! a girl has to have some fun! Current Mood: high (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, August 2nd, 2004
2:26 pm	Pride and then some Well Pride has come and gone again and I'm sure we all have are share of fun stories, not enough sleep, too much alcohol and things we wish we hadn't or had done. I do. I can say I had a blast but I'm glad it's over and along with it my desire to party, drink and be crazy. I'm done and ready to go back to Sara again. I'm ready for my routine, my self-control, my stability and my path again. I've had my day and its come and gone. Now I'm going to move on to spending time with good friends. Doing some volunteer work and a few new activities to get me out of the house. Then I'm going back to rebuilding a life I've been working on for 28 years. I am going to spend the rest of my fall with traveling to see friends, to see Amsterdam and with seeing all the tourist things in San Diego I want to see before I move. Does that mean I'm going to move in the spring? Maybe but I'm not making any long term decisions in 2004 - that I've decided. After New Years I will re-evaluate my life, my life here in San Diego and what or where I want to do/go next. I may move. I may go back to school. I may even leave the country for a year (teaching English in Italy). Or perhaps I will stay put and explore the new things I've discovered in San Diego. I kind of like not knowing. As for Pride stories like everyone else shared….. No! I think I'll keep these ones to myself and those I shared them with. I'm done being a public menace. I will say that the weekend brought many highs and even a surprising low but all in all I wouldn't take back a second. As for the online journal… I think I'm going to take a sabbatical from writing for a while. Those who want to know what I'm up to can just call or email me directly. Current Mood: exhausted Current Music: Meet Virgina - Train (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, July 28th, 2004
2:44 pm	Life with a roommate Well the new roommate "moved" in last Saturday. It's been quiet because all she's been doing really is slowly painting her room and moving her stuff over. She may actually get to the point of living in her room by this weekend, but somehow I doubt it. I that she is a free spirit and doesn't over plan things. She just does things at her own pace. I love that she is such a clean kitchen person that I can't leave one spoon in the sink without her washing it by the time I get home. I think that's very nice. I also think it is a wonderful sign that all that she's moved in so far are books, tons of kitchen stuff and towels (she says that aside from clothes that is mostly what she owns). She loves to cook and read and she's clean. Who better could I have asked for? And I've met most of her friends and they are all nice, funny and mellow. Yea - the stress of what kind of roommate I'd actually end up with is over. Oh! And the best part is I am suddenly not struggling with money anymore! My little world has been exceptionally quiet this week. I've basically been lying low so far because I was so tired from last weekend. Now I am trying to lay low to prepare myself for the insanity that will be this weekend. I am looking forward to seeing my friends from out of town who are driving all the way from Bakersfield to spend pride with me. I am looking forward to hanging out with S&A and J&T but am not quite sure how I'm going to fit everyone in my little apartment with the new roomie, but I'm sure we'll figure it out. According to Kikki I will be happy with the music at Numbers on Friday because she's spinning. I'm looking forward to seeing what they've done so far to the Flame on Saturday and I will be all over the rest of the weekend - except for a 6 Degrees. I believe I'm still 86ed but I haven't asked - I just don't care anymore. Not too mention that seeing Tommy or a few others that work there wouldn't make me especially in the mood to have fun. Basically it will be run run run all weekend, but I'm ready. After Pride I'm going to become the hidden friend. I'm going to buckle down and research Amsterdam for July, plan my trip for Reunion in September and save money for both as well as for fixing my car. I'm kind of getting tired of the SD Gay scene anyway - it seems drama is the prevailing theme for this summer in my familiar circle. I think I'm going to spend time exploring all those things in tourist SD that I haven't gotten to do yet (I've already been here 3 years) so that when/if I do decide to move after the first of the year I won't feel bad about never having seen/done those things. Here is what I have on my list so far: Wine tasting in Temecula San Diego Zoo Hotel Del in Coronado (stay over and have fun) Lake with S&A Museums at Balboa More Theatre at the Old Globe Pie in Julian Weekend in Las Vegas Coast line in La Jolla Tide Pools in Carlsbad Sail as much as I can Volunteer at the Queer Youth Center I suppose that's enough for now. But somehow it excites me just thinking about it all. I need to keep my life positive and my plans active otherwise I tend to become a homebody and watch lots of movies and read. After a while I have absolutely no ambition to leave the house and I'm sure not going to meet new people that way. Okay, that's enough rambling for today. Current Mood: optimistic (Comment on this)
Friday, July 23rd, 2004
11:09 am	Happy Happy Friday! Yeah so my new roommate moves in and I finally cleared out the extra bedroom. It will be nice to have another person floating around my quiet house. Plans for this weekend: Friday Night - do laundry (I know so exciting) - maybe go out and dance Saturday Day - go to the swap meet with some friends Night - go out to dinner with Margot & Kelly - watch a movie with Margot (Birthday Boi) Sunday Day - Hillcrest farmers market - hang out with Amanda Sunday Night - get ready for another stupid work week (my it makes the weekend seem likes it's over already) Anyone have some exciting plans. Something interesting I may miss if you hadn't told me about it? Single life is relaxing yo, but sometimes its way too mellow for this Gemini! Today at work it's slow and kind of boring. I wonder how I'm going to make it through this day without something to keep me busy and make it go by quickly. Current Mood: bored Current Music: School's Out for Summer (Comment on this)